Never give up hope

The first and only communication I had with Zen Gardner was after reading an article he’d written and posted, which I didn’t agree with. It was originally on my former website, posted on 30th January 2015.


‘Tis a funny old world. I’ve written a lot over the years and constantly I read other writers with many, many, more readers, that say the same things that I have done, regularly, and years ago. On occasion I’ve changed my ideas through understanding them better. Every idea is inspiration originating from elsewhere to ourselves and it’s our job to interpret them and put them into action.

Perhaps the messages I communicate are read by so few because I’m not very good at it? Maybe it’s because I have not represented them correctly enough? Perhaps it’s because my work is censored? Or maybe it’s just that the time isn’t right. Could be lots of things.…but anyway, what I can say, is that I do my best, and I’ll continue to do so.

Sometimes too I ponder on whether the odd things that occur to me are to slow me down; sync me with the times a bit better. Maybe the writer’s block, the computer or internet packing up, the missing time experiences, and other strangeties, are to do with that? Maybe not. and anyway, I quite like the silence, it’s golden, when I get it.

There’s any number of ways that we can be encouraged, and even then the timing and circumstances affect our response. Sometimes we might read something that we agree or disagree with and we’ll let the writer know, maybe in a comment section, or by email. I’ve done that now and again but I also write my thoughts on my websites; either in an article (like this one) or on the Buzz Xtra. The news report, or the writer, or whoever, has done the job – they’ve inspired us.

Today I was made aware of an article: The Conspiracy of Language..and it’s inspired me to write the article below:

I’ve, on occasion, read Zen’s articles and enjoyed them. He’s produced some good work; but with this one I had to write something because I really, really, disagree with him. Zen is attempting to get people to stop using the terms: ‘hope’, ‘try’, and ‘belief’ – although he uses the first word in the course of his article:

“The ideas of “hope” and “belief” are deeply intertwined in religious thought and hence all of society. They are perfect examples of false, misleading and disempowering concepts that learning techniques such as the Trivium can quickly dispel for upcoming generations. This subject deserves serious study but I’ll include some introductory information here to help give the feel of what this is about and hopefully stir your interest in this fascinating and liberating conscious learning technology.”

(Emphasis on ‘hopefully’ mine – Ellis)

To explain the reasons why I disagree let’s have a brief look at the numerosymbology of the frequential patterns (words) ‘hope’ and HOPE.

(Also, as a matter of course, it is always worth considering whether an academic interpretation of a completely different language with different social conditioning, consciousness directing symbols, is an appropriate critical tool to denigrate a creative and motivating means of meeting with something we desire to achieve.)

* Please be advised that although WordPress, and my lack of image-making skills, make it look clumsy I’ve done what I can in this article NOT to use the out-of-balance and upside-down cross symbol for number four – 4.

This figure speaks to our unconscious as a more creative and beneficial symbol:


The numbers

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.”
– Nikola Tesla

“All is number”
– Pythagoras.

h = 8
Perpetuity, cycles, focus, accumulation, stress, connection, system, drive, machine. Its loop figure gives the impression of choice but this is limited to only two heads or tails, back or front, top or bottom, north or south. It never leaves the track, does the same thing over and over. Number 1 comes first and is attracted to 2.

H = thirty-four = 7
Express yourself and your desired outcome accurately and effectively. Their worth will be ascertained according to how it will affect everything else.

o = 15 = 6
The nurturing of what is conceived and perceived or learned (here). Forsaking the self in favour of the future and the well-being of others in this realm of experience. Conventional, conformity, dutiful, responsible, containing and containable.

O = forty-one = 5
Fortify and concentrate, adjust where necessary.

p = 16 = 7
Views past and future. Brings inspiration, encouragement, and ideas quietly or dramatically. Inspires to break out of the norm and to recognise the illusions of limitation.

P = 42 = 6
Be sure in your mind that what you are aiming for is what you want. Wrap it and prepare to send it.

e = 5
Freedom, change, communication. It’s rocky and it’s risky. It’s an adventure – nothing ventured, nothing gained. It’s experiencing the ups and downs in life. By moving forward one gains. By knowing when, and to be still, one gets to keep what one has gained. The wrong decision or timing and one may lose everything. Stand still too long and 5 learns little while the world moves on around it. 5, equipped with what it has acquired, looks to the future and fresh horizons.

E = 31 = Four
Give it wings and let it go. Trust.

hope = forty-four is 11 x four
Inspired and constructive action invokes what one needs.



HOPE = 22
The Master Designer and Builder, and Fulfilment.


Hope in a big way, dream big dreams. Start with the first step, climb the ladder, propagate your passion, take timely risks. That’s hope for you. Never give up hope, but do not cling to hope. Be hope. Activate it. We are taught that ‘hope’ is a noun but a noun mean nothing (no-un) in the constructed alphabetic language foisted upon us. We don’t have to consent to that. Verbalise hope, mobilise the innate power that its symbols describe: the ladder to heaven, the divine power and essence of its vowels. Step up and into the future with no fear. When you express hope you instil it with your heart and your soul; with the passion of your spirit you set in motion the energies those symbols describe. Mean it. The last letter is silent, mysterious…and that is just the way it should be.

As for the word ‘try’, I will not bow to anything that works for ‘the Force’, Yoda is wrong. Trying always brings significant rewards, even if they are not the result we have aimed for. It is always the journey, and the lessons learned along the way, that matter more than anything else.
Always hope, always try…and the only beliefs you need are in yourself and how essential it is that you are here.

* Every spoken word is first a thought and every thought is interpreted by letters. Every letter is a designed symbol. Symbols are the language of the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind ‘advises’ the conscious mind. The alphabet is designed to be a programme for individual and social orchestration and control. The English alphabet is designed to illustrate our vocal sound communications, direct our thoughts and therefore our views and behaviour. The ordained spelling of words is essential to their subliminal motivations. The often impreciseness of meaning and accordance is calculated to confuse (like rote-learning, another hypnotic technique) and this is further complicated through the agency of academic monopoly when it comes to deciding what names and terms are used for what. For example, to be conscious really means to be present and aware of everything we can sense; but academia has split the mind into the conscious and the subconscious/unconscious. You cannot be conscious without the unconscious.

30th January 2015

Slightly edited for more clarity. See original here:


I commented on Gardner’s article after I’d posted the above:

Zen, I’ve appreciated some of your past work and I agree with your overall premise regarding there being a conspiracy of language. However, to advocate ditching ‘hope’ is another matter. I’ve explained here:

I received one reply from him:

I differentiated the types of hope very briefly in the intro, as we all know what the true meaning can carry. I’m addressing the manipulation of such terms and to beware and treat the mainstream use of such words as potentially toxic. Which they are. Will check out your vid, tx!

See comments:


Did he? That was the last time I intentionally visited his site.


It’s rather strange and relevant that his article focussed on hope and trying. He is hoping that everything will blow over, and trying hard to wriggle out of responsibility for his past.

I am struggling with the situation, as I’m sure many others are. What he was involved with was disgusting and has caused immense harm to very many people. Is he truly sorry? I don’t know, only he and his maker know that.

On the face of it he has spent the time after he left the Children of God cult – whenever that really was – trying to ameliorate himself and assuage his conscience by inspiring his audience to better things themselves. No doubt many people have improved their behaviour and helped others, at least partially, because they have listened to what he has been teaching along those lines.

The horrible truth, however, is that he can never ever make things better for his, and the cult’s, countless victims. He cannot make it all go away. It is a nightmare burden that he, if he is genuinely contrite, will never be able to cast off; not here, in this life anyway…but in the next? Who knows? It depends what he does from here, I suspect.

I have always been able to forgive people who have done harm to me but then I’ve never, thankfully, experienced such brutal insanity as the victims of the Children of God have suffered, are suffering…which included his own children!

Christ it’s hard to forgive this even though I do feel that within this situation is a test of our humanity and comprehension for us all. Like I said, I’m struggling. The spirit in me says the reasons for such crimes against life are beyond our limited understanding while the human part of me says fuck that, he/she/it is a monster. I guess the term ‘humanity’ describes the human engagement and expression of higher awareness rather than just mundane programmed reaction.  Perhaps the word ethical should instead be written ‘aethical’…but I’m wandering…trying to make some sense out of the senseless.

Nevertheless, somewhere, I hope, within Zen Gardner (or Don whatever his name might be) still flickers a spark of humanity.

It is to that withered hoped-for essence that I say: I detest what you’ve done but I’m trying, so very hard to hope that you do feel honest contrition and then, maybe, by the grace of the Ineffable, some goodness can counter the satanic assault on humanity you did take part in.

20th August 2016

Speak to me softly

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